In some ways this is a blog post I very much want to and
need to write, and in other ways the timing is wrong that it may come out as a
rant or it could be perfect. Right now there are a lot of things going on in my
head that I need to let out and writing is the perfect way to do that.
Letting go is hard, whether its a certain someone or
something or just little insecurities you have its something that personally I
struggle with. I tend to hold on and attach great emotional value to things or
even places but recently I've had some realisations, mainly because right now
things for me are going great everything seems to have finally worked itself
out and things that haven't obviously weren't meant to be.
Letting go of people:
The biggest prompt for me writing this blog post. People
come and go from our lives all the time and sometimes its for the better. It
may not feel like it at the time but eventually it will whether its in a week
or months or years you can look back on the good times you had with that person
once instead of focusing on the negative feels that also came. I wanted to tell
the story of why I wanted to write something on this subject in particular and
went through it in my mind several times before making a drastic move (I have a
tendency to over think things until making my bold move) but out of respect I'm
not going to go through it all because you never know whose reading and what's
the point of being a massive bitch on the internet. I'm usually awful at
keeping in touch with people, but when it comes to my close friends I will
always try my hardest even though it's still not great. HOWEVER communication
is a two way thing, it needs give and take, two people putting in effort,
especially when distance is involved. If people don't give back and avoid
setting dates of when to do things then maybe it's time to accept the loss.
Right now I have an amazing group of friends who I've been friends with since
high school and through uni and everything that's happened in our lives and
even if we don't see each other regularly everything feels the same when we
meet up as if we haven't been apart for weeks at a time. In addition to these
amazing friends I have an incredible boyfriend who has been so supportive
throughout this year when I've constantly doubted myself about achieving my
goal has pulled me out of that and is just as supportive now I've finally got
there.
Letting go of your comfort zone:
Reason two for writing this post. On Friday night me and a
few friends went to visit a friend down in Bournemouth and it was one of the
best nights I've had in a very long time. I usually hate clubbing but this time
I was able to just let my my hair down and do something I never expected to do
(in a positive way). Maybe it was fuelled mainly by the great quantity of
alcohol we had, but even so I will look back on how that night ended with fond
memories of being free and young. There's something about spontaneity that
scares me sometimes, but every time I am spontaneous it ends up being
incredibly fun and rewarding. So here's to grabbing life more often and
enjoying the moment.
Letting go of insecurities:
So maybe this is similar to the last point, but I want to
speak more closely about certain insecurities I have personally. In this past
year I have totally embraced being myself and not caring what people think
about my little obsessions, I LOVE reading and do it constantly and love to
talk about what I've read and the world I have spent the past day or week
absorbed in. I also LOVE Harry Potter and
this too has been a huge part of my life. I am a total geek. But who
cares... not me anymore thats for sure. These things are all part of me and if
people aren't going to accept those things about me then we obviously were
never going to be friends. That's totally fine, there are millions upon
millions of people in this world who are all unique and we can't all get on.
Anxiety. As a separate note in this section I wanted to talk
about it. Like many I suffer and have things that trigger these feelings that
bubble up inside of me. I feel now I've accepted it and started to tell people
close to me that I suffer with it and that certain situations make me really
uncomfortable they don't treat me differently and forgive me if I freak out
because I get a tight feeling in my chest and come close to tears if the train
is cancelled and I can't get to where I'm going, even if it doesn't really
matter in the grand scheme of things. Instead of letting it shut myself off
now, I'd rather let people know that I'm not feeling okay and they totally
understand why I don't want to do something or feel a certain way.
There are plenty more things I could write about in this
blog post, but I think I've rambled for long enough now. Letting go of all of
these feelings and putting them into words has made me feel a lot better, even
if they probably don't make sense.
Cloee xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment